Listening

It’s interesting how sometimes when I meet total strangers they just start sharing their life with me. This happened to me only a few minutes ago. As I went outside to look at fireworks I ended up standing next to a neighbor that I had never talked to before. She was nice. And she shared a lot of things with me, painful things. I felt grateful that I was allowed to listen and be of that help to her. And I felt ashamed because I often judge people like her, like everyone. I look at them and I judge them terribly, without realizing that everyone has depth and stories to their lives.

Only a few days ago a man shared part of painful things in his life with me. This has happened to me throughout my life. Perhaps it’s normal, but I am wondering if I people feel they can talk to me even if they don’t know me? Maybe it’s a quality I have. I like to be a good listener, especially since I’m a bad talker. I’ve never been good at talking to people. I am shy and insecure of myself when I’m around people. I think that’s why I often judge people, because deep inside I feel hurt and scared that I’m not more easily outgoing. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people that can talk to someone about anything, silly everyday things, without any awkward silences. I’m not like that. I can talk about deep things, like the meaning of life and stuff, but especially in my teen years that was not something you would talk about.

I’ve often been upset with myself for being so “lame”. Now I’m slowly coming to accept that I am. Often quiet, and a deep thinker, but a little more secure of myself than I was. Listening to people stores makes my think of my own life too, of pain I have told myself to swallow and forget, and also about how good my life is. And I wish those people find happiness as well.